The Skill of Life Enjoyment

I sewed a pillowcase this afternoon.

Maybe that’s a strange way to start a post, but I did!!

All by myself and without a pattern to boot!

I feel like I’m finally getting a taste of life’s possibilities, not just my expectations of life.

You see, (and yes, I know now it’s silly) I used to have such high expectations for myself.

There’s probably a 6 foot grave somewhere with all the notebooks I filled with “guidelines”, “plans”, and “health tips”.

That on top of the “lifestyle romance” books and content I consumed, built into a perfect storm where it didn’t matter where I turned, I was messing up somewhere.

Should have gotten up earlier (this at 6:30 in the morning). Should have taken a longer walk. Should have had more self-control with those chocolate chip cookies. On and on it went.

With all the negative self-centered thoughts banging around inside my head like a ping pong tournament, I left God out on the outskirts of meals and Bible readings.

I didn’t mean to! I thought I was doing it all for Him. But not really.

In reality, I was a negative, depressed, anxious, prideful human being.

I was just like Martha in Luke 10:38-42.

And whenever I felt Jesus calling me to Him and rest, to just sit at His feet, I couldn’t because well, I wasn’t trusting Him to be enough. I still had that last cleaning thing or this list to make.

I was obsessed with lists. I really was, just ask my sisters!

But this morning I spent 2 hours pondering on Acts 26.

I haven’t done that for eons.

The world didn’t stop without me internally rushing around trying to figure my life out.

And the decisions… oh the decisions!

Probably 1-2 times a day, I would suddenly stop and announce “I decided _______!”

Whether out loud or not, I still had “decided” upon a certain action. All these decisions just led down the road of frustration and hurt because I couldn’t possibly live up to all (or, in all honesty, any) of them!

And then I’d lay those expectations that I had given myself, upon others, and judge them as I did myself.

Pharisee.

I really was a Pharisee, twisting God’s words, expounding on certain things and ignoring others, dogmatic till the last.

Ok, that’s probably enough. You get the point.

I was not enjoying my life one bit, just anxiously examining my lack of diligence and self-control in every little thing I did or didn’t do.

And some, or even most, of the things I was trying to do were good!

The problem lay in the fact that I allowed them to take on a life of their own and direct me around instead of utilizing them to help me in walking the road God has put me on.

My life is the life God gave me. And trying to force things that don’t belong just turn into frustration and apathy.

I just want to share what’s going on in my life through writing (which I really do love, even if it’s taken me a while to rediscover how much). Whether it’s me sewing a pillowcase or just sharing how God showed up in my devotions, or how beautiful the birds singing is on a sunny spring afternoon, I want to embrace my desire to be generous with what God has lavishly given me.

And also, I’m not using AI (Artificial Intelligence) anymore for anything related to this blog. I want this to be real and authentic and AI is NOT! So yeah, there’s my opinion on that.

And also, I’m hopeful I’ll get email sign up on here soon. I promise I have been trying! 🙂

I guess, stay tuned for a lived life!

Maybe it’ll be boring or maybe it’ll be exciting, or somewhere in between, but I like writing and I like noting how wonderful God is in life and I want people to see that God is good and life is good because God is good, and it can all be wonderful when lived in the overflow of the grace of God.

(FYI, that was a purpose-full run-on sentence.)

Not sure what will end up happening on here or otherwise, but I’m willing to give it another positive, grace-driven try.

Shalom. Liz.